So what brings this subject to light for my blog? Well, for awhile I have been having twinges of guilt for not exercising the way I should and for gaining weight since having my youngest child, who is about to turn one. But the thing that really pushed it over the edge for me was actually working out to an exercise dvd that I have done hundreds of times in the past with ease and finding that I could barely finish the work out. Not only could I barely finish it, but I also had to modify some of the routines and moves because my fat was in the way. No seriously, it wasn't a flexibility problem, or anything else, it literally was IN THE WAY. Oh my god, really?!?!?! I wanted to die. I don't know where my denial stepped in and blinded me or why I thought I could just continue on eating crap and not being active but there it was, undeniable any longer. A fat roll physically blocking me from completing a simple pilates move. I have decided that fat rolls are now my mortal enemy and must be defeated! Unless they are on babies because that's just adorable. But on adult women, not so adorable.
So after getting emotional and having a good pity party for myself, and yes I was tempted to eat to make myself feel better, I took a deep breath and thought back to all the things I have been doing to sabotage my fantasy of a healthier, better looking me. People be prepared, it's ugly, embarrassingly ugly, but I'm going to confess it all because I need to get it out there and get past it.
1. I am guilty of saying I'm never drinking soda again and then still drinking it.
2. I am guilty of lounging/sleeping ALL day.
3. I am guilty of eating an entire sleeve of cookies in one sitting.
4. I am guilty of being capable of eating half a pizza by myself (sometimes I think I should've been a dude)
5. I am guilty of revolving almost all activities around food.
6. I am guilty of eating junk food while watching The Biggest Loser on tv. (I still think that's kind of funny)
7. I despise pictures of myself. My own wedding pictures make me feel ashamed. It sucks.
8. I am guilty of dressing strategically, having perfectly styled hair, and wearing designer applied make-up to distract people from seeing the full impact of my weight.
9. Confidence can be faked and insecurities can be cleverly hidden when wrapped in little bits of ownership and lots of humor.
10. This is the absolute worst one. My children have gotten a little chunky from eating like me and being inactive, like me.
That last truth is so sobering. I can't believe that I let that happen. I was a chubby kid and I know what it was like to be the ugly duckling at school (which they are not and will not be now that I've got a clue). But still I should have known better than allow them to even remotely experience what I went through. I don't want them to grow up hating themselves for how they look.
So the transformation begins. New eating habits, regular weigh ins, daily exercise, and lucky for me some great friends that are supportive and will help keep me accountable along the way. Be prepared for future whining, and bragging about my adventure. I promise to keep it humorous because it just wouldn't be me without a few cracks about dimples, jiggling, and funky aches or pains in bizarre places.
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